In the end it will never be us
by Shamelessly Radiant
Summary: ONE-SHOT: they'll never be normal and that's okay (except it is not, not really.)


we'll never be normal

and-

and-

and-

there is comfort in that sentence, somehow

how fucked up is it anyways that his girlfriend (whom she likes and respects, despite the whole death and decay thing- hello, _normal legs_ ) and her boyfriend (whom she loves, despite the hairy moon thing) were a couple?

it feels as if they are intruding, justin and her, she and justin, them, they, as if they do not belong, are only passer bys, and juliet and mason meant to be a lesson somehow, or a warning, or a fairy tale without happy end

but of course this isn't how it ends, because when has alex ever been lucky? no, she gets mason declaring his love for juliet, and juliet declaring her love for justin and justin does not declare his love for her

(not that she expected this, or anything)

she sits in the lair, crying, and misses the pulsing necklace on her chest, and her mom makes a comment on her feelings, and harper invents 'alex's watch' while she just wants to be _alone_ and mason, mason, mason

a fight, her brother against her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, whatever), a necklace that does not lie, sometimes she hates magic

a howl, a wolf, a plea for normalcy

a brother

she clenches the necklace in her fist when she sleeps, and sees mason transforming into a wolf, juliet growing old in mere seconds, and then-

then-

she sees mason, still with the necklace, transforming again, but this time he grows a couple of inches, his hair grows dark, his eyes becoming light grey, his face more angular

the necklace around his neck brighter than she has ever seen it before

she wakes up, gasping and throws the stupid thing far away

(again)

he blames her for juliet

he never says it in so many words, but he doesn't have to

the looks make it clear

the cutting remarks

the cruelty

she lost mason too, but now, she is losing him

that, she can't handle

they seem to be growin t

he is so stupid. they are so stupid. falling right back into the same, old patterns, confessions lost and scattered to the wind like they never were, but they should _know better_

shouldn't they

it's us

it's us

it's us

it's you that made the whole school hate me because i won the award you wanted and you couldn't handle it

because i made it seem so effortless, while you had done everything

student body president, valedictorian but this one thing you cannot grant me

did we not have this conversation, hovering over a certain death?

she screams at him, later, when she gets him alone, screams and cries and hates herself for crying but who does he think he is and why weren't you helping me and how could you be so cruel to me and don't i deserve love and happiness too

and she shoves past him the moment she thinks she has said too much-

and he grabs her arm and pulls her back-

and she pushes him-

and he pulls her with him-

and they end up falling to the couch, her laying on top of him-

and he wraps his arms around her and doesn't let go, whispering into her hair-

stay

it isn't juliet

it isn't harper

it's alex

he kisses her

thinking it is harper as juliet

there are so many things wrong with that sentence

her stomach flutters

that is not okay

when she goes off to save mason

it's mainly a distraction

because justin, justin justin justin justin justin

justin

because it's you and i, how could we not

because it's us

(it's us)

then they have to go save the world

(again)

it doesn't quite work out

(again)

they're both demoted to level one

they sit on the balcony together, pondering their future

she gives up

and mason and she have to break up

and the cucuys party is a disaster

and alex doesn't think things through

(as usual)

i haven't seen mason around in a while, he says

that's because i broke up with him, she says

why? he asks

why do you think? she asks

he wraps an arm around her

it feels like home

home

then

rosie happens

and they have to go save the world

except

she has to do it alone

and in the end justin comes back for rosie

not for her

she wins the wizard of the year award

gets back into the competition

her boyfriend stands her up

her brother makes a hateful speech

they are right back to where they started

standing on rocks over an abyss

(again)

i'm sorry for what happened today

no you're not

what?

you keep doing it, justin. every time i do something better than you, you go off, ranting, crying, being mad. why can't you grant me anything for once? why can't you simply be proud? why can't you be a good brother?

her voice breaks

(why can't you love me?)

alex...

no

i don't think i can forgive you this time

he doesn't say a word

wraps his blue bathrobe around her and leaves

she cries

then

he accuses her of sabotaging his class

and alex cries again

because she cannot believe his faith in her is so weak

she proves herself

but realises

she's done with him

she decides to give magic up again

now that mason is not there, she has no motivation left

and

she was never going to win this thing anyway

so

she uses her last spell to make everything from her art studio big again

enrols in art class

and breaks her wand in two

she sells her paintings

moves out as soon as she can

tells her family she has decided to become aunt meg

because this thing was always going to end in tears and shards and broken pieces

she doesn't speak to her family for three years

learns through harper that justin won (what a surprise) and that max inherited the subway shop

justin flashes in on her birthday the fourth year

she throws paint brushes at him until he leaves

maybe this story could have ended differently

like this:

a band called alabaster carnation

a brother and sister

a conversation about normalcy, being together and being alright

sometimes she dreams about it

then she remembers

shards of wood pressing into her palms

and she wakes up

paints

and learns to be okay

 **A/N: Because sometimes there is nothing else you can do than let go, let your heart break and then put the shards back together, and that is not giving up, that is learning to quit, and that is okay.**


End file.
